Whatever you are looking for in others – try giving it to yourself instead…


We are all searching for something in life. Some of us are searching for wisdom. Some of us are searching for happiness. Some of us are searching for abundance. Some of us are searching for love.

Many of us will spend a lifetime searching for some elusive thing outside of ourselves. Looking for something or someone to fill that void and supply us with whatever we feel we seek. The truth is, of course, that we can never find what we are looking for outside of ourselves.

If we are always constantly looking for something or someone to supply us with that special thing – whatever it may be – we will, forever, be looking and losing.

Why? Because trying to fill that hole by something outside of ourselves will never give us the long lasting, genuine, happiness we crave because we can never guarantee that it will last.

With the best will in the world, you just can’t rely on the fact that your great job, your great house, or your great partner will always be there. Things get taken away from us unexpectedly all of the time. I know I have been there.

While none of us are islands, to rely on something or someone, outside of you, to be the main source of all your happiness is a sure-fire way to heartache and disappointment because if that thing (whatever it is) disappears, so too does your connection to said happiness.

The only way to guarantee that you can truly find what you are looking for is to be the source and not the seeker. To look for whatever you seek inside of you. So whatever you are searching for at the moment, why not try and give that special thing to yourself instead?

If your desire is to be peaceful – why not devote some time to gentle meditation, mindfulness or peaceful practices? If your desire is to be wealthy – why not allow yourself to reflect on all the abundance you already have in your life and give freely and generously to others?

Or if you are searching for love – why not try and find that love inside of you? Love as many people everyday as you possibly can, radiate love and love will have no choice but to radiate back to you.

Open your heart to yourself. Embrace yourself. Whatever you are looking for give it to yourself and then give it to others. Be the source and not the seeker.

We all spend so much time focussing on what we think is missing in our lives and what we lack but the truth is we lack for nothing. We have just forgotten how to access it.

So many of my clients come to see me saying how stressed and anxious they are but how many hours do they actually spend trying to be relaxed and stress free? Not many I’d guess. You get my point.

Whatever it is you feel is missing in your life – look at how you can fill that gap inside of you first. Look at all the ways you are already being that thing and then magnify it and strengthen it further.

Before anyone can give you what you desire you have to give it to yourself and then the more you can share that feeling with others, the stronger it will be.

Often we can find that by helping others in this way, we ultimately help ourselves too. So if you desire to be wise – share wisdom. If you desire to be rich – share your wealth with others. If you desire to be happy – smile at the world. You get my drift…

Try and avoid the word “want” by the way because it suggests you are “wanting” and therefore “lacking” in some way.

It’s  interesting that the Latin root of the word “want” actually means “to lack or coming from lack.” Whereas the Latin root of the word “desire” means “to await what the stars shall bring.” How wonderful is that idea?!

A true request would always be a thought, prayer or meditation of gratitude because coming from this perspective you are acknowledging that you already possess whatever it is you seek. Again confirming the truth here – that you are the source and not the seeker.


Share the Wisdom around…