One of the simplest things that us mere mortals often fall into the trap of doing is focusing too much on what we don’t want rather than focusing on what we do want and this very simple error can have a dramatic impact on our lives.

It’s such an obvious thing to address and yet why is it so many of us keep on doing this?

I know when I have been going through some of my tougher life challenges, I could tell you very clearly everything that I didn’t want to happen. I could list all the things that I was scared about and worried about. The things that were keeping me awake at night and stressing me out during the day. But could I tell you everything that I really wanted to happen in as much vivid detail? Probably not!

And then we wonder why we don’t attract the things we most desire and we remain stuck in an undesirable place!

The truth is, to really attract what we desire – whatever that may be – a new job, more financial abundance or a new partner for example – we must make our desire thoughts about that particular thing stronger than any fear thoughts about not having it and that takes a bit of practice.

Whenever we find ourselves focusing too much on the hurt of the past, or our concerns for the future what we are inadvertently doing is sending out a very clear message – that we are lacking in some way and as a consequence the universe has no choice but to continue delivering that sense of lack back to us.

Brain researchers have determined there are, in fact, no filters in the subconscious levels of our mind to distinguish the difference between imagination or reality and therefore everything is believed to be real. Consequently, if we continually fixate on what we don’t desire and feed our mind with worry thoughts about what we are scared may happen – we are rather sadly delivering completely the wrong information into our head without even realising it.

Hard as it may seem, especially if you are going through a tough time yourself at the moment (and  believe me – my heart goes out to you if you are) we must find a way of changing our perspective and in the process changing the frequency of our thoughts to focus on what we actually do desire instead.

Let’s be honest when you are feeling really hacked off by a situation. Does continually talking about all the things that are dragging you down ever make you feel any better? You might get some temporary relief moaning to your friends and loved ones about shortcomings but if you perpetuate this negative mind-set for any length of time it will, of course, only bring you down. Why? Because the energy we are emitting is loaded with worry and doubt.

This may mean we even have to ignore the absence of something from our lives or perhaps even ignore the presence of a current unsatisfactory situation for a while as we focus on attracting the thing we deserve and I know this may seem really hard especially if you are currently in the midst of challenging time.

Big changes in your life can feel overwhelming and sometimes downright scary at times but believe me it’s still better to focus your attention on searching out for those small good things and trying to activate that part of your life rather than wallowing in the fear and despair of everything that seems to be going wrong.

I’m not going to lie though. Having dwelled in the realms of sadness and anxiety perhaps longer than most – changing your mind-set to focus on what you do desire can be a challenging process and it is not a one off exercise. It is a continual daily process of becoming more mindful and self-aware of what your mind is really focusing on and what stray thoughts might be holding you back.

To really attract what we desire whatever that may be – a new job, more financial abundance or a new partner – we must make the thoughts about what we desire stronger than what you may currently be experiencing and that takes practice.

If you are feeling betrayed or hurt and keep dwelling in the past or frustrated and angry that you haven’t reached an intended goal. You are not a match to your true desires, so any positive outcome may well be delayed. Why? Because your focus is very much on what you don’t want rather than what you do want.

Simply put you need to somehow find a way to change your perspective. To no longer focus on whatever you perceive is wrong or lacking and instead start imagining how you would like to feel instead. You may not be able to change the situation you are in but you can change your outlook on it. Because the reality is – day by day, hour by hour we are creating our own version of reality all the time inside our own minds.

The good news is with the help of visualisation techniques you can decide at any stage to focus on far more rewarding imagined scenarios to help effect permanent change in your mind-set. What this actually does is create new neural pathways in your brain which will implant a far more helpful and positive belief structure in your subconscious mind. This is why many find hypnotherapy, guided meditation, NLP or mindfulness & coaching practices a really helpful way of kick starting this whole process.

Pretty much anything you choose to change about yourself can be changed. The only real limitation to changing old beliefs is actually telling yourself that change is not possible.

In my mind, I prefer to embrace my own power as a positive creator, take  responsibility for my own thinking and use my imagination to help create the reality I choose. How about you?

If you are really honest with yourself at this time. Are you focusing more on what you haven’t got or are you focusing more on what you would like to have? You never know, perhaps if you change your focus just a little, you might change your life just a little too… I would say that’s worth a shot.