The most popular post I have had in recent years on Wisdom Room has definitely been this one. You might have seen it?

“It’s OK if you’re having a wobble. Some days we will be on good form and other days we won’t.

The secret is being kind to yourself as we dance between the two. We are all just muddling through the best we can.”

The original post has now been seen by over 100,000 people and had nearly 3.5k likes. I think in recent times it has really resonated with many of us and been a good reminder that we should all cut ourselves a little slack and show ourselves more love and understanding. Because believe me we are all facing our own personal challenges right now and some days we will be on good form and other days we won’t and that really is OK.

One thing for certain is this lockdown is bringing up a lot of issues to the surface for healing for all of us and we can either chose to ignore them or work through them and personally, I would heartily advocate the latter if possible. I was quite surprised therefore when a friend of mine said to me recently “Jane I envy you because you always seem so upbeat and everything just seems to flow so easily.” I chuckled and agreed that “I do try and look for the silver linings in situations but believe me I have testing times and blocks just like everyone else.” In fact, that very day, I think I had flooded the kitchen, burnt my sleeve lighting the fire and accidentally trampled mud throughout the house. All the elements seemed to be against me!

To further prove this point my own body started whispering last week that something wasn’t quite right, but it was only when it turned on the big neon flashing lights that I really sat up and took notice. Quite literally actually. I was in bed at the time and had excruciating pain in my right flank and couldn’t sleep. After two days of pain and two restless nights, I decided I should seek medical intervention and was told in no uncertain terms by my GP and 111 to go straight to Hospital. As it turned out, I ended up having to go back to hospital three days in a row! But each day was a very different experience.

DAY 1: FEAR FORECASTING DAY

I arrived at A&E feeling a little overwhelmed, nervous and apprehensive. Perhaps this pain would go away? Perhaps I didn’t really need to be there? Perhaps it was something minor? Perhaps it was something serious. You know what the inner dialogue is like when we feel a little fearful? I had plenty of time to internalise too because 6 hours and 3 doctors later I was still sitting there waiting for answers. I had a very strong feeling that it was an issue with my kidneys but the doctors were convinced it was something else and had referred me to the surgery assessment team. ‘This is worrying’, I thought.

DAY 2: BIG OLD WOBBLE DAY

By this point I hadn’t had much rest, or food and I was feeling increasingly nauseous. While the NHS team were great at doing all the right checks, tests and scans, it was a long time to wait in pain all by yourself and of course in lockdown family and partners aren’t allowed in with you. So, I wobbled and had a good old cry and thought I was going to faint and ended up being wheeled into my next appointment feeling very sorry for myself. ‘This is not my finest hour,’ I thought.

DAY 3: CALM RESTORED DAY

I decided to look after myself properly and nurture myself rather than question or criticise. I allowed myself to catch up on some much-needed rest and I bought myself plenty of fluids and healthy snacks to get me through the day and I found myself a quieter area to wait for my results which made me feel more relaxed and more like a visitor and less like a patient.

I felt my equilibrium restored and discovered my initial diagnosis seemed to be correct after all and that, in fact my brilliant body had already managed to work out what was wrong and deal with the situation – a suspected kidney stone (well known to be agonising – no wonder I had been in so much pain. ‘This is a relief ‘.I thought.

Fingers crossed I will now be fine. I have taken heed of my body’s message and increased the amount of water I am drinking and will do an alkaline detox for a bit but the general point is I am OK. I had a wobble. I had a couple of bad days but I did the best I could under the circumstances and that is all we can ever do. Even when you’ve spent years gathering a toolbox of coping mechanisms – some days it will all go out the window because we are all just human!

The secret truly is being kind to ourselves as we dance between the good days and the tough days. We are all just muddling through the best we can and if we are not always being the highest, most wonderfully evolved version of ourselves that is OK too. As the Dalai Lama says “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

If you enjoyed this you can find more of Jane’s videos on her Wisdom Room TV Channel on YouTube. Check them out here.

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